It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
