I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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