I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
