My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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