youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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