I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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