I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize