WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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