If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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