I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
