I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
