I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
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