Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
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