I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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