When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
