I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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