He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
