Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
