Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
