sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
