The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
