I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Randomize
