You really coming over, don't trick.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
