So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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