last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
