Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i think im in europe. pls send help
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
