hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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