I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
You are a genius and a whore.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
