# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
