she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
