I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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