sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
