I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize