Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
