I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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