Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
