y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Randomize
