My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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