that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
