guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Randomize
