If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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