Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
