dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
