I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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