Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
