Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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