Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Blood and glitter go together right?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
