You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
