My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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