I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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