he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
