At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
