His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Threesome in a minivan. New low
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Randomize
