her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
