i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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