i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Apparently you make a good broom.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
