i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
