what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Randomize
