Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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