Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
