just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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