R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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