Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
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